As a gay man who grew up in the Bay Area and now lives in San Francisco, I wonder what all the hoo-ha is about. I was raised to be intolerant of intolerance but also to embrace this great nation’s diversity, which often means accepting the beliefs and values of those who were raised in a different culture. While I obviously disagree with Mr. Pace’s assertion that homosexuality is immoral, I absolutely respect his right to his personal opinion. I am more than happy to agree to disagree with him on this one.
I also find it fascinating and telling that Mr. Pace has placed homosexuality on par with adultery and further that he supports the military’s Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy on moral grounds. The implication of these remarks is that it is fine to engage in immoral behavior so long as you keep it secret. This mentality exposes the double-standard behind all too many Washington scandals.
Recently former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich acknowledged that he was having an adulterous affair even as he aggressively pursued former President Bill Clinton for his moral indiscretions. Applying Mr. Pace’s standards, Mr. Gingrich’s affair was also immoral but would have been ok had he not decided to make it public. Or consider attorney and witch-hunter Roy Cohn who famously crusaded against gay rights in the early 80s and never considered himself “gay” in spite of the fact that he had sex with men and ultimately died of AIDS, which he caught from a male prostitute. Where then does one draw this fine line?
In one of the more bizarre news stories this week, Israel has recalled its ambassador to El Salvador after he was caught literally with his pants down in a compromising sexual situation that can only be described as “kinky.” Israel’s decision to recall Tsuriel Raphael citing “conduct unbecoming of a diplomat” is probably appropriate given that the man was apparently drunk while engaging in bondage and discipline activities involving sex toys on the grounds of the embassy. However, if he had opted to engage in the same activities in the privacy of his own home or a hotel room, I would think it is his business. Don’t ask. Don’t tell.
There is an assumption that all adults have certain sexual proclivities, and a sense (true or false) that our constitution guarantees consenting adults the right to explore these proclivities in the privacy of our own homes, regardless of any personal moral judgments that other people or even the prevailing culture may impose. Maybe you are into sex toys, as in the case of Mr. Raphael, or maybe you are into snorting Crystal Meth and having sex with male prostitutes as in the case of felled evangelist Ted Haggard. Under the mindset of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” a clear disconnect arises between moral values one professes outwardly versus the inalienable right to engage in immoral behavior privately.
I would argue to Mr. Pace that there is one important distinction between homosexuality and adultery, and that is who gets hurt. As one who has in the past been cuckolded by a gay lover, I have a great deal of sympathy for the victims of adultery. Yet, I fail to identify victims of consensual homosexual relationships. This is not to say (for those reading this who lump gays in with rapists and child molesters) that homosexuals cannot also be involved in behavior that does hurt people, but simply “being gay,” feeling attracted to and/or engaging in consensual sexual activities with members of the same sex, does not harm anyone.
On that note, I am also relieved to see Mr. Pace has lumped gays in with adulterers, a group toward which social conservatives and even Americans in general are notoriously forgiving. I’ve grown accustomed to seeing far-right politicians placing homosexuality alongside polygamy, bestiality, pedophilia, and even necrophilia all too often while engaging in their own adulterous relationships. Even the military only recently (July, 2006) updated its own stated policy of considering homosexuality a mental illness, a designation rejected by the American Psychiatric Association in 1973. The American military’s official view now is that homosexuality is a form of mental retardation or social disorder, but only on par with bed wetting or a fear of flying.
Although I do hope the military will ultimately repeal its ban on gays serving openly, which I believe damages the military overall, and I of course hope that prevailing sentiment toward gays will continue to become more accepting, I cannot bring myself to be offended by Mr. Pace’s remarks. Given the history and context of how gays have been viewed and treated in the mainstream, I am more than happy to accept Mr. Pace’s statement that his personal opinion is that gay sex is immoral and should be kept private. While I may not agree with what Mr. Pace has said, I will defend to the death his right to say it.
